Horrible incident

Long and whining post ahead. If you have the time, please read it.

The short version is this: Colleague got robbed. Head got slashed. Report to police. Doctor don't want to treat because got medical report to fill. Police not helping in anyway. System is fuck up.



This is something horrible that happened a week ago. One of my colleague got robbed. That's not the worst part. He got slashed as well. Worst still, THAT is not the worst part. First, let me start with his story. He was walking to his car and got his head into the car when two idiots approached him.

The first guy tapped his shoulder. When my colleague looked back, his head got hit by the guy's machete (parang). He was bleeding but not profusely. The next guy kept on poking his stomach with a GUN. What you expect to happen? They took his stuff and ran off in a black car (not local car). My colleague went to office without realising that his head was bleeding. Talk about shock.

When I arrived at office and heard the whole story, I was of course shocked as well. I followed him to the police station to help him translate from English to BM. The police was nice at first asking him the usual. Where it happen and how it happen. Do he recognise the people and car plate.

The horrific part starts now. After that, we need to fill up the medical part of the form. So we went to the clinic. Apparently private clinics refuse to treat him citing the reason that only government clinic or General Hospital can fill in the report. So we thought fine.

We returned to the police hoping that they could help us. But no! They said that all this is out of their jurisdiction. So what if it is out of their jurisdiction? Haven't they heard of the term GOOD SAMARITAN? Just take him to the nearest government clinic or hospital. Simple as that! And they call themselves police. Guess what, they did nothing so I got fed up and left the place to head to the nearest government clinic.

Later, I drove my colleague over to a government clinic near Jalan Usahawan. Pusat Keluarga something. That freaking clinic, mind you, a GOVERNMENT CLINIC, refused to treat him as well. I was about to shout at them for not wanting to treat an injured 50 YEAR OLD MAN. All this just because there was a police report to fill. What? So scared of police? Don't know how to write is it? You talk and I write. Simple.

So with that, we left that stupid place and headed for the GH, Hospital KL. I know that we can drop people off at the emergency section but that place SEALED it off! Seriously. How am I to drop him there?

I have to continue driving inside the GH area following a freaking long jam. IN THE HOSPITAL. There was no parking, no one to help us and no one to guide us. What happened next is that the line that the worker's there formed lead us all the way OUT from the hospital. Way to go. Great job.

My colleague, had enough of it, said that he won't file the medical report and just proceeded with the normal police report. Returning to the police station, we have to continue to file the report with out any medical report in it. After typing it out, we left the police station. He had to go back to office to WIPE the dried blood off his head. Can you IMAGINE if he was seriously injured. Thank everything else that he was alright.

Did I mention that while the policeman was writing the report, he stopped every time to chat with his colleague? Plus, he answered his mobile phone chatting away. Is this the kind of treatment you give to a VICTIM? If that is human, I rather not be a human. Our system is fuck up.

We need to be able to file a report with medical report WITHOUT having government clinic or hospital to treat people. Any doctor will do. So let's take a moment and think. If they do, then what if the clinic refuses to do so as well? That's fuck up too! YOU ARE A DOCTOR. THINK FOR HEAVEN SAKE THE REASON YOU BECAME A DOCTOR. If it is for money, then get the fuck off to hell. Doctors had to take an oath to help people. What happened to that oath?

Seriously folks, our system is entirely fuck up if we need to go through so many procedures. The police won't lend a hand because it is out of their "jurisdiction" and doctors refuse to help because there is a medical report that needs to be filled.

Now you know why a lot of crimes happen.

Calv out.

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Goodbye CBOX

This has been a thing that plagues me when I started to blog again. Zombies wtf no! Here's the damn thing, bloggers do have a thing called Chatbox. It is a wonderful creation as it reduce steps to comment on people's blog. I love it. I use. I want keep it here forever like the hairs on my head (Yes, I do fear that I will go botak wtf). Here's the sad thing, in a week time, I may remove it. Sorry all my loyal readers (if I have any wtf).

The reason (no, don't go Hoobastank on me) is very simple. Too many "noise." Noise as in "idiots." Idiots as in "losers." OK, OK, I know. This can go on forever. What I really meant was PEOPLE WHO WANTS TO DIE! As in SPAMMERS wtf.

Seeing so many people posting on my cbox made me feel great. Hey, I AM FAMOUS. Until I saw the links. Screw them for destroying my 15 seconds of *cough not really cough* fame. There goes all my self-confidence wtf. My lawyers are working to get RM1mil for me wtf.



The culprits are from two particular websites. First is BLOGOBO and the other is LEPAK.MY. No way am I linking them. Go Google them yourself. Yes, that is how much I dislike those sites (I don't link them back wtf). If I can benefit superior traffics from their visits, then it is fine. I will simply accept their spams.

Best part is the fact that they tried to hide it. Pretending that they are conversing with me like nothing happen. One of these days, I'll come to haunt you at night (look for the guy with a laser pointer wtf) - refer to P.P.S. Anyway just let me blow off some steam:



Firstly DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW YOU? Yea, of course I do! Your name is "abg hero." A real life hero!!! OMG. And yes "Que," long time no see. When was it the last time we chat? I knew you 2,302,312,234,642 years ago, right? After being resurrected 54,125,235 times, we finally met again. Ah, "Elly," she is a beauty queen you know? All the way from INeverExistLand. She withdrew from Miss Universe because she is out of this universe! Geddit? Geddit? fml.

Secondly, my friends, when they visit my blog, will comment in the comment section. If not, those who posted on cbox, will at least mention what I wrote in my blog post. These spammers who comes from INeverExistLand will post stuffs like "Just make another visit" or "Like your blog, hope you like mine." Let me quote from my friend, Clement: "DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING CARE?"

Finally, the link. Usually, friends that comment on my cbox will not leave links or if they do, they will TYPE (OK, maybe copy paste wtf) their link! Don't you even bother giving me a shortened URL from bit.ly or adf.ly, or gofuckyourselfloving.ly. I will NEVER reply you. Seriously.

Well, that's all from me. Actually, I have no idea what to write about. So I ended up complaining again wtf. No, I am not an angry man in real life. I seem to take on a different personality online wtf. But this is a serious matter. It is even worst than your friend posting 1,000 pictures of themselves on Facebook!

Credit: to whoever drew this. Please, if you know the contributor, do inform me.

Calv out.

P.S. If you do know any benefits from receiving spams, you can tell me about it. Or at the very least, stop it from entering my cbox wtf.

P.P.S. I really do own a laser pointer thanks to Wei Lian. <3

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Sundays' the real culprit

After clicking the Astro remote control for the infinite-th time, switching between channels, I had a premonition. My holiday is going to end. Tomorrow is my last day!

The worst part is the fact that I didn't do anything productive during my holiday. My laziness can rival a pig's! After watching so many Mythbuster's episode, what had I achieve (other than being able to boast about extra stuff wtf)? This is really bad.


What are you smiling at?

Worst yet, tomorrow is Sunday! I know Garfield hate Mondays but it's a misplaced hatred! Seriously! After thinking really hard (in the toilet wtf), I came up with several conclusions!

Number one:
A lazy Sunday means a storm is about to happen on Monday. There will be no preparation for it.

Number two:
Sunday is constantly teasing people that it is a day off when it meant the LAST break of the week.

Number three:
The culprit for Monday stress is Sunday. It made us too relax so that we falter on Monday!

Number four
The calender always mark itself red on Sundays just to rub it in. We know we got work tomorrow!! Don't need a reminder.

Well, that's all so far wtf.

What? You expected more? Well, it is just a new found enemy. Let me study its moves more. Remember to punch them on their face when they wish you "Happy Sunday." They deserve it wtf.


Remember the face of the enemy wtf.

And this has got nothing to do with Christianity! God rests on Sunday, I know. It's a good day. Don't burn/nail me on a cross. It's just a worker who needs to vent on something wtf.

Calv out.

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Names, literally

Yes, that is what you get if you come up with names for yourself. Here's why, recently I have been seeing a lot of self-given names that is really dumb or DUMB. Wei Lian would agree with me too because she have heard her share of "wan taufu" names. Seriously, some times, i feel like these people purposely dropped the letters in Scrabble and pick anything that sound like a word.

Having names according to days, months and seasons is still bearable but there is a fine line between a name and being made fun off. This post may or may not offend you people out there. OK, so maybe it can offend people so readers are advise to be careful

Here's a warning sign:



Don't say I didn't warn you!

Apple:



Ever watch Annoying Orange? Ever wonder what happen to Apple?

Winky:



Aww, ye who love to wink get to be called Winky. Be thankful it is not Wanker.

Twinkle:



Look at you, so small and tiny you shiver like the rest of stars up in the sky. Only visible at night and in the crowded space with other Twinkles too. At night eh? Hooker? Nooooo.....

Sunny/Summer:



So bright and hot, you thought you were. Wait until you meet Cloudy and Rainy. That should dampen your spirit.

Gummy:



Alright.. I got nothing for this one... Seriously? Food? Might as well name yourself Burger. And Gummy is giving me weird stares..... Scary..

Candy/Sweetie:



Definitely attract a lot of ants there. Hang out with Sunny or Summer and look at yourself melt. Not that sweet any more.

Candle:



Wow, if I don't know you, I would have guess that you are into S&M. Err, no it's not Science and Machinery.

To tell the truth, I am not sure what is the motive of having weird first names. If that's what it takes to be cool or successful, I'll pass man. If it's to have the most unique name of all, then you'll get it: awkward stares.

Imagine this -

You: What a sunny day.

Sunny: You called me?

You: No, I didn't call you, sweetie.

Sweetie: I didn't know you know me!

Sunny: Who is this woman????

You: No, no, I really don't know her. I was just sweet talking you, gummy bear.

Gummy: Yes? Do I know you?

Sunny: Now you are hitting on another girl???? Good bye!

You: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it could happen.

P.S. - The author's normal and sensible name was given by his loving parents. So sweet of them. No, not you Sweetie.

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Guess what? You're it!!

This is the Layer Cake, covering different parts of your life.

And those who viewed this are being tag!!!!!

11 Layers of Me

--Layer One: On the Outside

Name:: Calvin Khong
Birthday:: 11 November
School:: HELP University College
Major:: Media Studies
Current Location:: Keramat
Eye Color:: Black!
Hair Color:: Black again with some whites
Righty or Lefty:: BOTH, in sports! =P
Zodiac Sign:: Scorpio

--Layer Two: On the Inside

Your Heritage:: Saya orang Cina
Your Fears:: Cat murderer!!
Goal:: To get my revenge on her! You know who you are!!!
Regrets:: Did not learn how to use verbal assault.
Change one thing about your life:: Nothing really or just lazy to think about it.
Relieve Stress:: Basketball and singing!
Hardest thing ever dealt with:: Verbally assaulting people!
What upsets you:: My unavailablity to verbally assautlt you!!
Vent about something:: Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla!

--Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Your thoughts first waking up:: Wow, time to sleep again.
Your bedtime:: It ranges? Between 12am to 5am.
Your most missed memory:: Whatever concert i been to. =P

--Layer Four: You’re picking

Dr. Pepper or Coke: Coke.
McDonald's or Burger King:: McD
Single or Group dates:: Anything will do.
Adidas or Nike:: Nike!!!
Lipton Tea or Nestea:: None.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla!
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither!

--Layer Five: Do You?

Do Drugs:: Vitamin T
Have a crush:: Yea, the car got crushed front and back!! XD
Think you've been in love:: with this tag?? NO!
Want to get married:: when it is arranged? NO!!
Believe in yourself:: Of course, self- praising equals believing in yourself. Calv is cool!
Think you're a health freak:: Much more now because of someone who keep mentioning about weights!!

--Layer Six: In the Past Month

Drank alcohol:: Yup.
Gone to the mall:: Yesh.
Eaten Sushi:: No.
Gone skating:: Nope.
Dyed your hair:: No.
Done something exciting:: Should be.

--Layer Seven: Have You Ever?

Played a stripping game:: If it involved Megan Fox!!
Gotten beaten up:: No!
Changed who you were to fit in:: Nah, doesn't work!
Hid something from someone:: Of course, am doing it right now!

--Layer Eight: Getting Old

Age your hoping to be married:: My age + 30+45 +50 - 90 + 55 - 120 + 66 -10 +30 + 23
Age to start having children: Answer above + 70 -40 +55 + 32 - 68 + 53 + 89 - 100 + 68 + 23
Want to travel to:: every part of the world!

--Layer Nine: Perfect Mate

Best Eye Color:: Black!
Best Hair Color:: Dark blue!
Short or Long Hair:: Both

--Layer Ten: What were you doing...

1 MINUTE AGO:: Got tortured by someone.
1 HOUR AGO:: Watching TV
1 DAY AGO:: Trying to find out where the cricket is hiding
1 YEAR AGO:: Chilling!

--Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence

I LOVE:: this feeling.
I FEEL:: pain at my back.
I HATE:: backaches!!
I HIDE:: gold bars?
I MISS:: that show!
I NEED:: more hours in a day!!!

Project 365:

Day 208: September 21, 2009

Open house at Rizuan's place.
All the good food, spicy ones and card games.
Almost the whole gang is here!

Day 209: September 22, 2009

What a romantic BBQ with my highschool friends!
Look at Chan and Boon (left).
They are meant for each other! XD

Day 210: September 23, 2009

Yes, the thing me and Clement actually come up with when we are both bored.
It may be lame but heck, it keeps the brain juice flowing!
Presenting 21 Disney Movies labelled under 18SX.

Day 211: September 24, 2009

The things that i crave for in the middle of the night.
Yes, it is Ricola! Ricola Ricola Ricola!! The sugerless mint.
Hey, i actually walk all the way to 7 - 11 to get it!

Day 212: September 25, 2009

Wow, this is the first time me and my friends went to the Premier Cinema at Gardens.
The ticket price is RM15 and we watched Final Destination 4.
Remind myself never to go here again unless it is a date! Damn!

Day 213: September 26, 2009

Me and William decided to help out for an small event that includes other universities.
Basically there is nothing much to do but to take items.
We got sunburned for nothing.

Day 214: September 27, 2009

Me and Rizuan but Eka at Starbucks this day.
We just sat outside until Eka noticed us.
The outcome is good, got free junkfood from him!! XD

Day 215: September 28, 2009

Wow, the new LRT full of 4 cars this time instead of 2!
Hope that they will quickly let us use it!!
No more overcrowding in the LRT!

Day 216: September 29, 2009

Yes, she drew it to my hand!
Like a spell, i got tease for having that with my friends!!
But again, it's a special day today too, as much as few weeks ago.

Day 217: September 30, 2009

Testing out the Black Box during MMS meeting.
Great idea by our President!
Thankfully none of it is my size so i don't have to wear it!

Day 218: October 1, 2009

The Mask Avengers to promote HMN.
i am actually part of it too but it is too embarassing for me to show my picture!!
Yes, promotional value is very very high!

Day 219: October 2, 2009

Visited my primary school for fun.
Looks like most of the teachers there had changed.
i remember last time when i was forced to play football at that same field.

Day 220: October 3, 2009

Yes, i wash my mouth a lot.
As you can look at that picture above.
Thank God i grab a lot of free samples too!

Calv out!

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Just a little conversation

When I say hello, reply back with hello.

When I say good bye, reply the same.

If you just walk away ignoring, obviously I will get pissed off.

*****************************************************
Let's switch the mood!

Project 365:

Day 178: August 22, 2009

Ok, don't laugh! Seriously, don't laugh!!!
Happenned in Mount Kiara Club.
Look at the dryer at the picture? At first look i thought it was a hand dryer.
But then it was placed a little too high for our hand to be comfortable for drying.
Later i saw a man using it to dry his hair!! What in the world??
Who would have known that they actually invented this thing-ma-jid here to dry people's hair!
Don't laugh!!!

Day 179: August 23, 2009

Dang, my phone's receiver crashed causing me not able to listen to what other people say.
i thought i can get a new phone BUT my parents want it to be repaired!
So i went to Sunway Piramid to repair it at Nokia Centre.
Guess what, it cost me RM131!!!! Dang, RM50 for check up, RM50 for the labour work.
Means that the crashed part caused RM31?? WTH!! i might as well repair it myself right!!

Calv out!

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After effect

After learning something from my friend, the world seems much darker.
i can't seem to fathom that it had happened.
Yes, everyone knows what it is and you know A LOT of people are doing it whether you realize it or not.

Don't know what am i talking about?
Think hard: three words, pleasure to some, pain to others.

The after effect of this is not very good as both parties have to be taken into consideration.
If it continues, one's future will be gone, in my opinion.
The other party seems so excited about it without thinking much of the consequences.
The other party just don't know how to think in the long term.

Yes, actions are being taken but is it enough?
This event may cause people to change, but again, is it enough?

When i am informed about this, i am speechless.
i know it is happening but not the after effect.
What else can i do but help out emotionally and yet the truth that had been reveal to that particular person is bleak.

Emotions are not stable, the other party's feelings are taken into consideration and the next solution does not seem to be the right one.
Sadly, the truth is not that colorful as well.
Of course i suggested the truth; it's better for the future.
Because of the emotion, the truth is blurred for that person.

What else can i do?
i am just the shoulder that person can lean on.
i am not involved in it.
Whatever happens next is really out of my hand.

For once i will say, "i need advise, other suggestion,"
The sun in really setting on me.



Calv out.

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Plain Field

I dream of a plain field,
Unknown what it yield,
I hear a voice,
An echoing voice.

Listening to it, crushing,
Standing there, engulfing,
Resounding into the distance,
Distracting all my senses.

Loud like a thunder,
Yet i did not shudder,
Brushing against my hand,
Delicate as the sand.

On that plain field,
Unknown what it yield,
Now i decide to search,
To satisfy my urge.

Calv out!

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i need a CAR!!!!

Seriously, i NEED a car!!!!!!!
Stupid LRT passangers! Can you freaking see where you are stepping???
At least have the guts to say "Sorry lah" or whatever kind of apology!
Don't just stand there with the face that says "i dunno?"

Do you people even know that when you lean against the metal bars, you are blocking people from holding it to balance themselves????
Next time when you fall in the LRT, by some miracle, i WILL be there to LAUGH the crap out of you!!

Use your common sense!!!
i know you need a place to lean, so why can't you lean at other place where you won't lean onto people's hand and remain that way.
You think that people want to have your body odour at their hand??
Think, idiots, think!!
Imagine if i have fresh mud all over my shirt and just lean against the bar not considering the hands that are there.
How would you feel??

And what the hell is wrong with STANDING up??

You see people that desperately needs to sit, let them sit.

It is not as if you are going to break your leg standing up.

If you will die standing, then go ahead, sit!!!

Screw it with saving the environment by taking public transport.
i want out of this!!!
i need a CAR!!! Seriously, any car, 3rd-hand car, 4th-hand car.
Just a car. My only car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car.

Calv out!

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Questions for you

Ask yourself:

Will the past haunt you after so long? Or do you gain strength from it?

How much more pressure can you take before you lose your sanity?

What happens when it turns out to be a different person?

Calv out!

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Fall into a slumber.

"Sleeping is a very easy thing to do.
You close your eyes and sleep.
But sometimes there are people who can't sleep.
It haunt them to know that something bad might happen.
Even if it is all in our mind.
Once we face our demons, our fears, and turn to each other for help, bedtime is not that scary.
We are not alone."


"Love is the remedy.
Love is losing yourself.
Love is being patient.
Love is 1437.
Love is greed.
Love is beautiful.
Love changes our behaviour.
Love is Ai Shi Teru.
Love is losing direction.
Love needs space.
Love is a fantasy.
Love is according to season.
Love needs love"

From some book i read long time ago.

Project 365:

Day 82: May 16, 2009

Need to connect Astro to my room by myself.
The only thing seperates me and Astro? A freaking wall and my younger brother's room.
Now where did i put that drill?

Day 83: May 17, 2009

It has been so long since i saw this junk food!!
Never know the name but i love it!!
Saw it at Wangsa Maju LRT so i bought 3 packets!! Muahahaha!!

Day 84: May 18, 2009 (Monday)

Mother of all bad luck!!!! Can't believe my bracelet is broken.
It is a gift from my Master!!! Argh!!!
Who knows how to fix this???

Day 85: May 19, 2009

i wasn't joking when i told some of my friends that my grandma's place is full of coachroaches!!
Saw two of it having a blast swimming.
Bet they were too high from the mating and drop in there!
Die you filthy creatures!!!

Day 86: May 20, 2009

Saw the water near the light?
That shows the apartment is leaking!
Above this carpark is the swimming pool.
Hmm.. What will happen next?

Day 87: May 21, 2009 (Thurday)

Was at the Korean exhibition/talk.
Played Yun Dori, a game that requires you to throw an arrow into a hole?
Got the complimentary price. Suck at it! =P

Day 88: May 22, 2009

When i look at the work load of this subject, i feel like crying!!
i don't know how do people survive this subject.
Look at how thick the textbook is!!! Dang!

Calv out!

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Let's go to Neverland!

Peter Pan, the boy who wouldn't grow up. Never known his parents but still living well.
If only he could come and bring me to Neverland before it is too late.
There are claims that Neverland is a land of dead and that Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are all just ghost in the afterlife.
To heck with that claim! All i know is that Neverland is ever-changing so imagine wildly.

Felt that as time goes on, i feel more strain in life.
i said i want to change my lifestyle, because i am worried that when i am a working adult, life would just be a routine.
Been doing many different things for fear that i might not be able to do it later in life.

Ever wonder to yourself, when is the last time you actually act like a 5-year-old boy?
Played in the rain not worrying getting yourself soak or sick?
Purposely get in trouble just for the thrill?
Curious on and on about so many things?

As you grow up, most them just seem to play it "safe"
They don't really want to try out stuff because they are too "old" for it.
If that is really the case, please, just take me to Neverland before i turn into that!
Happy thoughts and fairy dust will make you fly so Peter Pan claims.
i do agree but just with happy thoughts we can all fly everywhere.
Hope that for now and the future, i can keep the child in me forever.

*******************************

Wow, second week of my holidays seem to just fly.
Been out a lot so bear with me.
Looks like i am going to just summarize it again using my Project 365!

Day 68: May 2, 2009

Was a TV addict on that day until night falls.
A lot of great shows though.
Funny thing is i forgot what show is on the picture above.

Day 69: May 3, 2009 (Sunday)

i actually got my younger brother to do his homework.
His motivation? Avoid getting a slap at the head from me.
i know, i am such a good brother.

Day 70: May 4, 2009

ALERT!!! Look at the lady on the right!
She tried to trick me and Agnes into taking the wrong change!!
Price for the movie ticket was RM 14 and we paid RM50, change is RM36.
She gave a change of RM16! What the heck right??
When we ask her politely to give us the right change, she stare at us and gave us the change.
What service! So bad that i can't even think of a word for it!

Day 71: May 5, 2009 (Tuesday)

i finally understand how to play mahjong!!
Well, not all of it but at least i know how to err.. End the game!
Am so proud! And these are all the "mahjong kaki" my grandma played with.

Day 72: May 6, 2009 (Wednesday)

Went to Sunway Piramid to watch Wolverine, second time for me because the movie is THAT good!
Justin, James, Mae, Li Wen, Eliza, Luc, Isabel, Affe and Jasmine was there.
We had a good time watching the show and later we went opposite of Sunway Piramid for steamboat buffet!
Sadly, Affe have to leave.
Was a lot of fun and i made a few friends along the way!
By the way, that was my second time eating steamboat. =P

Day 73: May 7, 2009

Mother's Day shopping with Yvonne.
i felt GUILTY of putting the picture of me and her cause she don't like her picture being posted up.
See, this is how guilty you made me feel about posting the picture!
Haha... i am such a great friend. Nyahahaha!!
Will post the Mother's Day gift on this Sunday!

Day 74: May 8, 2009

Went to the Art Gallery with Agnes today.
Can't say it was fun because the drawing were not that interesting.
But all and all was quite alright.
The whole gallery: 5/10.

Calv out!

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Just ranting

Ever feel like driving the car from the opposite side of the road?
Ever wonder what it is like to be at the edge of a cliff?
Ever feel like crossing the road when it is full of speeding vehicles?
Just asking.

There are times in life when we wonder "What am i doing here?"
Looks like i am in one of those times. Yes, it is strange for a young adult like me to ask myself that, but i do actually.
Is it worth fighting your way here when you do know all is in despair?
How would i know? i am still fighting to find my way out there.
Everytime i think of the consequences, i am still wondering why do i do it?

Day by day i found myself no more the cheerful person i was last year.
Few days ago, i had a few of my friends whom i knew last year asked me, "Why are you soft-spoken these days?", "What happened to you? You seem less crazier."
Am i suppose to act like everything is Okay when it is not? i have trouble putting on a poker face when things like that happens.

i realize that i never pour out any feelings i had. They say share your feelings but do we need to?
A close friend of mine told me to share it with her, but i still leave so many things out when i am telling her what is on my mind.
Everytime i spill out something, i keep thinking that i am a burden. i still think i am.
Most of the time, i envy some of my friends who have friend/s to talk, laugh together, be together and enjoy together.
Don't think i know any of my friends that well eventhough i had known them for all my life.
i guess i am afraid of getting close to them. i know i will always ended up hurting myself or them, or feel betrayed eventhough that is not the case.
i don't want anymore of this to happen... i just hope one day i can stand up and look myself in the mirror without any feeling of disgust.

Calv out. (Can i know who is my friend?)

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