People

Had a nightmare last night. Was vivid as all the rest of my nightmares.
Well, i'm not here to talk about it because i know what it is.

i realize something after that nightmare. it's not that i hate people or a certain kind of person.
i just hate the society.

All i know is that during my secondary school days, like a normal teenager, i try to fit in.
Thinking that i must belong somewhere, doing things i don't normally do just to prove that i am the same as them.
And when i actually fit in somewhere, i don't feel right. i don't like it. i just want to break out.
Sure, i'd bring this habit until now but atleast i can ignore it as it won't triumph over me anymore.

I remember my parents said "So your friends is more important than your family?"
No they are not but that doen't mean i put my family first...
Sure you may think that i don't respect my family or whatever thoughts that go through your mind, but this is who i am.
i put nothing first actually and yet i don't put everything as an equal either.
For now, i have a fear of being one with the society.
i try not to grow attach to anyone in particular (although that doesn't seem to work) and if i did, something bad will happen, be it my fault or it is just force of nature.

At the end of my secondary school days, i learn to break apart from so-called "groups" and "gangs".
Do i regret it now? i don't think so. No, i do not regret it!
In time i may just be someone in a crowd, but i am still me.
i am still a little insecure about myself but heck, i can deal with it!
And to top that off, i know what is important in my current life.
So i just need to hang on, and believe me that i have the patience and will to do that.

Calv out!